The Epic of Trendy Gal

Oh, tell me all about the trendy gal,
Who shopped around and round from store to store;
Oh, Muse of fashion, style, and worldly fads,
Please tell me all about the girl and more.
Just how did she become the setter of
The trends of schools, no matter what the size?
Just where did she find all those wondrous duds,
When worn, they can't believe their much pleased eyes?
And now, with rightful Fad Authority,
I start right in the middle of all things;
Our hero's sadly stuck on 805,
And with her all her plastic cards she brings.
She's on her way to malls of much galore
With all the speed and haste of snails on grass.
She honks her horn with vain and much contempt
And yells, "Come on, you guys, get off your... lazy buns!"
I've got a lot of shopping left to do,
A lot of bargains I just have to find,
One hundred dollar leather shoes in red,
And plenty more if Mom and Dad don't mind."
And so she shouts, stuck in the traffic jam,
Her steed a purple truck with tiny wheels,
Her hair-sprayed hair all fixed in deadly points,
And nails so long that they resemble eels.
She chants more curses to the sky above,
And lo! Behold! The traffic disappears.
She floors the gas so fast she nearly gasps
And both her earrings fly from both her ears.
But, oh, the mall is full of massive crowds;
She's, oh, so late for fall and winter sales!
She battles for a precious parking space,
Not paying heed when she runs over males
And females of all size and height and age.
"Just nerds who don't know how to dress in style,"
Is her excuse as she runs over foes
Society creates for her in piles.
So off she runs into the clothing stores
To find the bargains only she can find.
Familiar store clerks do converse at once;
At her arrival all of them combine.
They know her story as the trendy gal -
Her fame is wide and known by almost all -
Her constant buying of each season's fads
And constant buying for each high school ball
Is much admired by those who have no style,
So much admired by those who cannot shop.
Her "mall endurance" shines with easy grace
With every little jump or skip or hop.
Unlike the weaker, bleaker girls her age,
She outdoes all in snatching all the clothes,
The last ones on the rack marked "clearance sale,"
And newer styles, of course, she all but loathes.
This talent that she's gifted with so well
Creates much envy all among her peers.
She fights them off, however, with her style,
Of her she let them harbor in new fears.
And on this day she eyed a skirt so green;
The price was only ninety and a buck.
One other lady wanted it as much;
When Trendy grabbed it, she exclaimed, "Oh,... fiddle de dee!"
They fought and fought until the sun did set
And Trendy bopped the lady on her head.
"You touch this skirt, so help me, I will make
The gods of style karate chop you dead!"
The lady left her, saddened with defeat
And Trendy raced against the clock above;
The stores were closing soon, to Trendy's shock.
She bought the skirt, a scarf, and pair of gloves.
Her great achievement Trendy boasted of
At school next Monday during typing class.
"This other lady fought me for the skirt,
But, hey, you guys, I really kicked her... fat behind!"
On hearing this the crowd at school did cry
For joy and wonder, admiration too.
They complimented Trendy's famous skirt
And wondered at the things that she could do.
And so it was that all the multitude
Made Trendy queen of all the high school balls,
For none could match her wondrous grace and style
And none could match her skill inside the malls.
She ruled in peace and led the trendy way
And all her peasant people were content;
They wished her all the happiness they could,
Though they cared not for stylish clothes.
The End.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
© 1990-1999 by April Martinez