The World Through April’s Ears: Please Don’t Encourage Me
Actual: “I can’t believe it’s not butter.”
April: “I can’t believe it’s snot butter.”
Actual: “Fuggedaboutit.” [New York way of saying “Forget about it.”]
April: “Fuck Ed about it.”
I can’t escape it. Whether I hear it or read it, my mind will pervert it.
It does me no good to have it encouraged either. There are days of the month, for instance, when I’ll be in pain, and I’ll complain of menstrual cramps. The last thing I need is for someone to start singing camptown ladies sing this song in an old man’s voice—à la minstrel gramps.
Believe me. This happened to me last week.
Naturally, I was annoyed. “Menstrual cramps, not minstrel gramps!” I cried. “And don’t sing that song. If you’re going to hear me wrong, you might as well do it right. You should be singing Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my ragtime gal. It’s better timing, so to speak.”
So you see? I should never be encouraged.
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7 thoughts on “The World Through April’s Ears: Please Don’t Encourage Me”
Sometimes you need a little push. Just to get started.
It works for me. . .
I know what you mean! I hear stuff that there is NO WAY anyone would say. I’m often shocked at what I hear. What’s worse is when I tell them what I heard and it’s nowhere near what was actually said and everybody looks at me like I’m some sort of perv or something!
Most often this happens to me while hearing songs. You can bet that 7 times out of 10, I’ll get the lyrics all muddled up.
Like, for example, Elton John’s song Crocodile Rock.
I always misheard: ‘But the biggest kick I ever got’ as ‘But the biggest dick I ever got.’
Come to think of it, I mishear most of Elton John’s songs.
Oh my! Minnie, we have tainted you.
Join the club!
Don Henley —
"But you never have to get down on your knees
You don’t have to holler, "please, please"
No, you never have to get down on your knees
For a little thin man"
The actual lyrics are tin god but try to tell my brain that.
Ohhh, yes. How could I have forgotten song lyrics? Minnie and Suzanne, those misheard lines are classic, lol.
Most famous misheard line (i.e. – everyone has made this mistake except for me, go figure) is probably "Excuse me while I kiss this guy…" where the actual words are "Excuse me while I kiss the sky."
My most recent misheard lyric has to do with Jay and the Americans’ Cara Mia, and it was surprisingly nonperverted.
What did I think it was?
Color me alive…
perverting bland comments is a good way to spice up your day.
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