Okay, so I have a problem.

Some brain-dead politician was singing John Ashcroft’s praises the other day, and he used a word that jumped out at me and made me do a double-take. I cried out:

“Did he just say ‘stiff-assed’?!” I was shocked — shocked, I tell you. I’m against John Ashcroft’s nomination, but I didn’t expect such language coming from someone who supported him.

I was given a smile. “Stiff-assed? That’s a good word for Ashcroft.”

“Well, sure, but did he really just say that? I thought that guy was for John Ashcroft, and ‘stiff-assed’ doesn’t exactly fit in with all the ‘good’ things he’s saying about him.”

Much eye-rolling took place, then a shake of the head and a hint of a chuckle; I was given a withering look of exasperation and amusement to go with the explanation: “He said ‘steadfast’, not ‘stiff-assed’.”

Oh. I blinked. “Well, that explains it then,” I waved offhandedly, but the words had already been said, and they hung in the air for a while to mock me. “Steadfast,” I repeated. This isn’t something that happens once. This happens often. I hear a phrase and misinterpret it, completely out of context and regardless of how ridiculous it sounds or how little it makes sense. I considered getting a hearing aid.

“Stiff-assed,” echoed my companion — more shaking of the head and a hearty chuckle. “Out of the mouths of babes,” he said. “That’s the perfect word for him.”

So true. I decided not to get the hearing aid after all.

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