I Can’t Lemonade Stand It Any More

I Can’t Lemonade Stand It Any More

May You Live in Interesting Times.

Though I put on a brave smile for everyone, most especially on this, the first month of the year, my personal life is quietly blowing up in my face. I won’t go into detail, but right now my life is a very large exploding bag of lemons, and all that yellow fruit is hurling outwards into space in a big bang, knocking me senseless on their way to create new worlds of trouble. Good gawd. Have you ever tried to dodge fruit?

[And while I’m on the topic of dodging fruit, let me digress a little. Do you ever wonder about the tomato-throwing audience at a stereotypically bad stage act? I do. I always wonder how anyone goes to a show bringing rotten vegetables with them. Is that what people eat instead of popcorn at those stage shows? That’s crazy.]

But anyway, back to the abundance of lemonade in my life. It’s all Murphy’s fault, you know. Murphy is my pet peeve, and he leaves large piles of crap in the middle of my living life. He is far worse than the pet cat in that respect, and let me tell you… that’s saying a whole lot.

So… the way Murphy operates is this: if you are the type of person who makes lemonade out of the lemons Life gives you, then Murphy will find some way to keep giving you lemons until you are so sick of lemonade you want to hurl, hurl them out into space. And for some godawful reason, I cannot break Murphy’s Law to save my sanity.

Meanwhile, there Murphy sits, blithely pooping in my living life as I continually do my best to clean up the mess with a winning smile, and I can’t even chant, “This too shall pass,” without thinking of the word “pass” as a euphemism for more pet peeve poop.

I totally need to put him up for adoption.

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12 thoughts on “I Can’t Lemonade Stand It Any More”

  1. I once had a cat not too long ago.
    Then i decided Cosmo (the cat/space alien) needed a friend as he looked awfully lonely so i adopted a kitten from this nice lady called "my sister".

    This kitten was cute and fluffy and well, a black reincarnation of satan. Felix (the minion of the dark lord as we called him) was hell incarnate. He would attack Cosmo (3 times his size) and claw and bite and scratch him to the point where Cosmo once ended up at the vet overnight (no, i’m sure he didn’t enjoy his visit).
    Anyway, Felix then took to thinking that my girlfriends laundry hamper was a much more pleasant place to do his business than the sandy litterbox, no matter how clean it was. The first time it was funny (the girl was really cruel to the kitten as she didn’t really like cats), the second time was amusing, the third and subsequent "messings" kinda did me in and the girlfriend said "me of the cats" and left.
    He then decided that my nice new foam mattress and new cozy bedding was an excellent place to have a pee. Yeah.

    I understand. Cosmo went to my old roomate when i had to move to a new place and Felix, well, i assume some unknowing family adopted him from the shelter…i can only hope they had better luck.

    I can’t say "yeah, turf the cat" because i have a heart but i also have a brain…so, perhaps it’s time the cat and you parted ways…

  2. Life quietly blowing up in your face? April, I can sooooo relate. Dodging fruit? Good way of putting it. I am so tired of dodging and ducking since Jan. 1st,…know you are not alone. My reprieve from it? Counting blessings – and sometimes you have to dig deep to find those.
    It’s going to be okay. Just keep breathing…

  3. oh, and, april? i have we have one of the most uninteresting days ever…we could both use a break. 🙂

  4. oops, i mean i HOPE we have…see? even my "spell check" is starting to get interesting.
    inhale, exhale, repeat…

  6. I used to joke that Murphy was my Guardian Angel — tons of crap, up to my ears in it, and then out that a wonderful, fantastic thing would happen. I don’t joke anymore because it still happens and now I think that maybe I just need a whole lot to go wrong before I’ll accept that I need to change a little.

    But that’s me.

    For you, I hope Murphy just comes on over here and bugs me for awhile.

  7. April, you are always in my prayers. Thank you so much for your support this past year, know that my ear is equally open.

  8. April, you are always in my prayers. Thank you so much for your support this past year, know that my ear is equally open.

  9. As with everyone else, my prayers are with you. And you can always reach me if you need someone to make fun off. Don’t worry about hurting me, you can not be any worse than my dreams. You have murphy gunning for you. I have my dreams laughing at me. 🙂

  10. Mr Murphy got his tail kicked over the weekend, I know this guy… =-) better times are coming quickly, so hold on, and get ready for some kool-aid, non lemon flavor of course.

  11. I find a lemon enema just the perfect thing at such poopy moments. It has to be "pink" lemonade though–for some odd reason. Reading Mark Twain sometimes helps but not always. Reading Mark Twain while watching Scooby Doo is a little bit better because there should have been a dog in "Huckleberry Finn" and I don’t remember a dog and how can it be a great American novel with not one single dog scene? It’s all meaningless I tell you. Ah Well, I hope you’re not entirely yellow by the citrus fruit that a Pablo Neruda could make an exquisite poem out of but I’ll hafta stick to the drink –from your Lace Valentine,

    Norman

  12. Norm! I’ve missed you and your clever words. It’s so wonderful to see you drop by. 🙂

    Saen, Pam, Minnie, Suzanne, Broch, and Tony… thank you ever so much for the support. I’m determined to corale all these lemons and somehow make lemon drops for candy dishes worldwide.

    I meant to post some new images yesterday, but I needed to sleep the sleep of the dead. I’ll be back with a smile by month’s end, hopefully. 🙂

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