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December 31, 2003

Year's End

My sister noticed that I've been back-dating my entries, and she guessed that it was due to my recent illness. She guessed correctly, by the way; since my bout with flu, I've been too lazy to post on time and too stubborn to give up my original plan to paint a Christmas tree in the calendar.

Why? Because I wanted to end this year posting entry #300, and the tree allows for that perfectly.

See, I've been rethinking this whole online journal thing for 2004, and I've been planning some changes after the now failed finale. I don't know what those changes will be yet, but I want them to be significant. I'm getting bored with the way things are right now, and I need a fresh outlook.

I have never really written in this journal for myself. Nearly everything I've written here was meant for an audience—to entertain, to educate, and to share my not-so-personal news with friends and family. So it seems the best way to go about the changes is to consult first with you, the reader. I'd like to know what you want to see from me in the coming year, whether it be more tutorials or Kodak moments, less art or poetry, or whatever.

Without holding back, tell me what you like best and what you like least, what keeps you reading and what makes you share. Be as honest and as specific as you like, as fawning or as brutal as you dare. Point out your favorite entries and your least favorite entries, and then tell me what it is about those entries that you loved or hated.

Seriously. I won't take it personally. I've learned after years of doing this that what I write and who I am are two completely different things. Any criticism of my writing isn't necessarily a criticism of me, and just because someone likes my writing, it doesn't mean they'd like me, the person, as well.

Think of it as an investment, if you want. You spend your money and your time only on the books and the movies that you like (if you can help it). Even though I don't charge a dime for my content, you spend a few minutes here every now and then, and I want you to consider that time well spent. So tell me what you'd like to see. I will do whatever I can to make it so, and I will do it happily because I love a challenge.

So give it some time and think about it. Reread my archives. Then tell me what's on your mind.

And by the way, thank you, and Happy New Year!

Posted by April at 11:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 27, 2003

Situation #120

So I finally did it the other day. I cut my hair. More than that—I shaved it off. All of it.

I can't say why I did it, and truly I must be insane. I was in tears after I shaved it off with the clippers I use to cut H.E.'s hair. I cried for hours in regret, and H.E. was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. He decided to shave his head, too. So now we're both blindingly bald.

And in the dead of winter? Come on. A bald head isn't really the sort of accessory I'd like to have in this kind of weather, and I absolutely refuse to wear a hat or a wig. When I drove to work yesterday, I kept imagining that everyone on the street and in the cars around me kept staring at me as I shivered in my hooded bald head. Nikki's sending me a scarf, though, so I think I'll be using it as a head wrap.

People's reaction to me? Good God. Some people at work practically screamed their distress at me. "Oh, my God! What did you do to yourself?! You had such beautiful hair—WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!"

I didn't say a word. I just shook my head and cried.

I was the talk of the building though, even more so when I wouldn't say why I cut my hair. People speculated behind my back when they didn't ask me directly. I could hear them whispering around the corner when they weren't asking me if they could touch my scalp.

I'm sure some people think that I have cancer, or that I did it on a dare. Or perhaps they think someone thought to punish me or play a practical joke on me by shaving my head while tied down or asleep. Think what you like. I'll just wallow in silence until my hair grows back out again.

Needless to say, I refuse to post photos.

This entry was inspired by Question #120 in The Book of Questions, page 105: Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities sans hat or wig without explaining the reason for your haircut?

Damn straight, I would. Wouldn't you?

Posted by April at 10:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 26, 2003

Some of the Things I've Actually Done on a Date

A recent comment on this entry made me realize I never followed up with another one. So, here are some of the things I've actually done on a date:

Posted by April at 10:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 25, 2003

I Am a Life Support System for a Vagina, Hear Me Utter a Full Loud Prolonged Sound

I love amusing myself with dictionaries. Bonus points if you can guess the proverbs.

1. A shuttlecock in the hind foot of an ape is deserving of a couple in the advertising.

2. Soon to a place of sex relations and soon to increase in fervor or intensity, cause a husband robust, rich, and skilled in magic or divination.

3. Everything that's superficially attractive or exciting isn't a medal awarded as the top prize in a competition.

4. Prepare a reward while the glory has a bright glowing appearance.

5. A couple of toilets is greater than half a one-dollar bill.

6. The primitive fellow seizes the snake.

7. Work diligently while the great strength, hardness, or determination is currently popular or in demand.

8. Carry on burning passion with liveliness of imagination.

9. Huge desires anticipate in the same manner, form, or degree.

10. No matter that is newsworthy is suitable previously unknown information.

Posted by April at 10:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 24, 2003

I've Never Stayed at the Paris Hilton

I'm ashamed to admit that I've actually seen part of that Paris Hilton tape. H.E. and I watched a little bit of it on his computer when curiousity finally got the best of us after he had received his 100th Paris spam.

There was nothing spectacular about it except that one of the two people featured on the tape was a famous-for-being-rich-and-famous trust fund blond silver-spoon-fed baby, whose eyes glowed demon red in the low light of the video. She and her boyfriend didn't even have much finesse with each other in bed; they mostly moved around a lot, trying to get certain parts of their bodies in the shot, and neither of them really looked like they enjoyed themselves as much as they should. But I don't know. Maybe my standards are high.

I had to wonder, though, why there has been so much hype about this. Is it only because she's famous for being rich and famous that the news of her video being out there got so much loft? What about all the unknown women out there whose pictures and videos are being disseminated without their consent? Not a single word about them. Not that anyone would care.

It's like Kobe Bryant's rape case. Because he's so famous, every detail of every court session is plastered on the news, whether or not he is guilty. Yet we hear nothing about all the unknown women out there being raped by unknown men, and in the U.S., a woman is raped every 6 minutes.

H.E. says we should find that woman and make sure she doesn't get raped ever again.

Posted by April at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2003

Auto-Focus, My Ass

So it's not the best of cameras. It was only meant to be a starter camera, the sort you get for a child when they're first learning how to shoot. Still, you'd expect to get a decent picture with the autofocus and fine setting turned on, right? How hard could it be?

Very hard, it seems. This is only one of a handful of test shots I took before the batteries died on me, and if you look really closely, you might see the cat.

meow

Posted by April at 08:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 22, 2003

Wish Lists

When you don't feel well enough to be out and about and the holidays have gotten you down, you tend to do silly and pointless things, like look through people's Amazon Wish Lists and wish you had enough money to practice some seriously random acts of kindness.

I don't know half of these people, those whose lists I peruse. I've never met them, and here I am studying the lists of things they covet, things they hope other people will buy for them on Christmas or on their birthdays ... and I contemplate actually buying them something from their lists, just to see the "Show Items Purchased" link turn up on the page.

I scan their list of Favorite People, looking for familiar names, and I look at their lists, too. I don't know why. The items they want and the people they list just seem so interesting. In any case, I hop Amazon Wish Lists in this way, moving from one person's list to another.

One guy actually has Newt Gingrich on his list of Favorite People, which surprises me. I notice that Newt doesn't actually have a wish list, but he has a ton of reviews. Another guy has this item in his list, and I can't figure out why or even why it's so expensive. The mysteries of life!

Then I notice that Andre Torrez has George W. Bush on his list of Favorite People, and when I look at George's list, I bark-cough in laughter and feel much better than I have for a long, long while.

Too bad there has been no shipping address entered. It looks like George could really use those items.

Posted by April at 07:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 21, 2003

Things I Missed This Weekend Because of the Flu

1. Holiday lunch with co-workers at a restaurant I've never tried before, the creative director's treat.

2. Gingerbread house making party, which I'd been looking forward to all month. All those attending get to learn how to make their own gingerbread houses, and I was going to bring the one I made to the next thing I missed...

3. Christmas carolling at Steph's in L.A. It's become somewhat of a tradition, and I always look forward to it. She has the best mulled wine and the most positive attitude, and we always have the best time, with plenty of food, love, and laughter. H.E. went for a brief time for the both of us, and he had them sing a carol for me over the phone, which was nice.

Sigh.

Every year there's a flu season, and every year the media talks about how it is particularly bad that year. It's never really affected me before, and now here I am, one of the statistics. Since Thursday, I have not had a full night's rest or a square meal (just cat naps and nibbles), and not once all weekend did I even step outside. I have mostly been confined to the bed with my continually rising and falling temperature, dozing or watching movies on video tape and cable TV.

On the up side, I got to watch a few things I missed in the theatres. On the down side, I found out that the camera H.E. got me might be defective (I just put in new batteries, and it's dead again?!). He's going to send it back, by the way, and get a replacement for me.

Posted by April at 11:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2003

Fever in the Morning, Fever All Through the Night

The slight fever became more than slight, so I called work at eight in the morning and took a sick day. It's a good thing I did. Within three hours, I followed a downward trend, and the fever grew worse. I was burning up, and I was in and out of consciousness. I made another phone call and an appointment, and in half an hour I had a thermometer underneath my tongue and a nurse telling me I had a temperature of 103.2.

"Sounds like a radio station," I joked weakly. I had to repeat it because my voice was almost totally gone.

The nurse, a really nice filipina lady who coo-cooed over me, fretted and told me I was really, really sick. They made me stay there a couple of hours with cold compresses in my armpits and a warm blanket around me. They gave me Tylenol and antibiotics and took my temperature every hour. 102.6. 98.4.

They wrote up a prescription for me and let me go home, but in the time I waited for my ride, my temperature jumped back up to 100.2. It has been rising and falling ever since.

So here I've been all day, dehydrated, nauseated, hot, cold, achy all over, feeling as though I'm dying, bruised, and parched. I keep drinking water, but it doesn't seem to help much; I keep pissing it all away. I've tried to eat, but I've thrown everything back up again. Everything tastes the same, like the weird coating on my tongue. Heck, it hurts to breathe, let alone talk. So far as I can tell, this is the worst day of my life.

So, to make me feel a little better, H.E. gave me my Christmas present early—or perhaps he thought it best to give it to me before I died of the flu, who knows? Anyway, he gave me a digital camera.

Not a crapera that takes fauxtos, but a camera that takes photos!

I actually got to play around with it and take a couple of shots before the batteries died on me, but as soon as I can get new batteries and upload the shots to my computer, I will post some actual photos. None of the photos will be of me, however, as I'm still very, very sick. But finally, I have a reason to get over this flu and live.

Which is probably a good thing. I've never been this sick before.

Posted by April at 11:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 18, 2003

One Flu Over at This Cuckoo's Nest

I don't know how I managed it. I was feeling fine last night, grateful that I didn't have a migraine as I watched The Return of the King. Then I woke up with a little tickle in my lungs, a feathery sensation every time I breathed, which then turned into little coughs, more tickles, and a sexy, scratchy voice.

I went home a little early so I could have some soupy comfort food and go buy some cough syrup for my chest congestion. Then I slept and woke up with aches and pains and what I think might be fever.

Which brings me to ask:

Is it feed a fever, starve a cold? Or starve a fever, feed a cold? No one seems to agree.

Posted by April at 08:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 17, 2003

Freebie #3: Snowflake Wallpaper

The snowflakes are from scans of actual paper snowflakes I've cut out in my free time at work. Go figure.

Posted by April at 11:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 16, 2003

Just One Hour of Peace

I would like just one hour of peace today. One hour, and I would consider it a wealth of riches. One hour to do as I will, think as I like, silence, contentment, and peace of mind. Well-being and utter joy. Not one ounce of boredom, not a smidgeon of anxiety, no stress, no tension, no angry thoughts. No voice but my own, no demands for my listening ear or for my bravely, boredly, barely painted-on smiles.

For just one hour, I do not want to have to worry about other people's feelings or plans or needs for attention. I do not want to be the one maintaining the cheerful outlook, the one tolerating the bad moods or unreasonable demands, the one who is always there, doors wide open, though truly I have no doors. Just one hour. That is all that I ask.

Just one hour, where I can quietly think my thoughts and develop ideas, perhaps draft an entry for this ill-kept journal. Just one hour to do one or more of the many million things on my list of things to do. I do not want to listen to all the things I should be doing for myself; I want the time to do them. Just one hour. That is all that I ask.

One hour is hardly much. Just a drop in the bucket really. Barely noticeable. My daily commute used to be three times as long, so in fact, I am used to much, much more. Yet all I ask is to have one hour.

Just one hour to commune with myself.

Posted by April at 10:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2003

Fortune Five Hun

I thought I could never top the cookie fortune that read "All fingers are not the same." Up until a few nights ago, it was the best fortune I had ever had. It even works in bed or out.

All fingers are not the same (in bed). No truer words exist.

Then, one night, I get this for a fortune:

Behind an able man, there are always.

And what I thought could not be surpassed ... suddenly was. Behind an able man, there are always.

It doesn't work, in bed or out of it, and I have no clue what it means.

Posted by April at 10:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 11, 2003

Work in Progress #3: Yet Another Elf

Now that I'm in between commissions, H.E. has been hounding me to make new artwork, so I spent last weekend working on a rather large Photoshop file and have been adding to it every now and then when I can catch a moment. Because the file is bigger than my computer can handle, the work has been slow, and I still plan on adding more layers and details to the picture.

The images below show what I saved each night:

A scan of my pencil sketch.
Preliminary coloring in Photoshop.
Color changes and adding of clothes.
Flower and wall added.

Here is the close up of the collar, by the way, and I will gladly take critiques if you have them.

Close up of the collar.

I hope to start working on everyone's watercolors this or next weekend. So if you haven't already made a suggestion or two, feel free to add to the thread.

Posted by April at 10:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 10, 2003

Name That Tune #2: Grunge Pixie

Directions: Fill in the blanks. Copyright belongs to someone else, and I will reveal who owns it once the blanks have been correctly filled.

I'm so miserable. I'm full of angst.
Pierced my nose, got three tattoos,
To [blank] I'm giving thanks, yeah.
No one understands me,
And I ain't got no job.
[Blank] helped me grow my goatee.
Now I'm a total slob.
Yeah, I'm a total slacker.
I owe it all to [blank].
I got nothin' else to do;
I drink it day and night.
If you wanna know the truth,
This song is just a ploy.
[Blank] won't make you miserable
Or fill your life with joy
'Cuz [blank] is just a [hint #1].
Remember what comes first.
So [hint #2] what tastes good,
And just [hint #3].
This commercial is so stupid...

Posted by April at 01:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 09, 2003

Hot off the Press

I love everyone's suggestions so far, and I'm actually going to try all of them at one point or another. For now, though, I've been basking in that wonderful feeling I can only describe as Yay!

Please note the following image:

Heat

I recently entered this image in a contest with the theme Heat, and I actually placed second after judging—woohoo!

I'm feeling warm all over.

Posted by April at 12:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 03, 2003

Blue Sky, Gold Sky

Still a novice at this painting-by-hand thing, I whipped out the watercolors and doodled mindlessly in bed during the commercials while watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off on cable television. Yes, I was playing with watercolors in bed, without paper towels no less. Never mind mask-taping the paper to a backboard of any kind; I was far too lazy for even that. I didn't even sketch drafts first; I just set brush to paper and let the watercolors flow.

Clearly I need some discipline, not to mention some direction and purpose. It's no wonder my images came out so static and boring. See for yourself; these are my fifth and sixth attempts at painting with watercolor:

Blue Sky
Gold Sky

Now that you've seen how uninspired I am with watercolors, please tell me what to paint! If your idea inspires me, I'll send you a print of what I end up painting (if it's any good, I'll want to keep the original).

Posted by April at 10:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack