I have a mole or two. Actually, I have more. I’m not sure how many, but when I was 18, I used to think I was developing a mole for every year I ever lived, so I might have near 30 now. Who knows? There are places on my body that I simply can’t see.

Mind you, my moles are not like the prominently large, dark, hairy one featured on The Mole in Austin Powers in Goldmember. In fact, they’re rather small—like freckles, only more than one shade darker than the rest of my skin. Beauty marks, my aunts call them. To me, they’re moles.

One day, about 10 years ago, while browsing among old books at a fair, I came upon The Complete Book of Fortune. Eclectic as my interests are, I bought it and thumbed through it, all 640 pages of it. And in a small section found in the chapter about omens was “The Meaning of Moles.” Holy Moley—a chance to have a little fun fortune-telling with my moles. Hee!

Well… it’s been a while since I’ve even looked in the book, but I’ve been doing some packing lately, and I came across the book again and revisited the section on moles. So how could I resist? Let’s see… I have a tiny mole on my ear. What does the book say about that?

A mole on either ear denotes that the subject possesses a reckless disposition.

Hmm… I’m not so sure I like that, but the mole is rather tiny, and according to the book, the bigger the mole, the greater the force behind it. Uh… yeah… right. Next! I have one at the top of my forehead, towards the right. What does the book say about that?

A mole on the right side of the forehead is a mark of outstanding ability and mental power, which will raise the subject to fame and prosperity. Travelling is also indicated.

Ooh… I like that one a lot better. Let’s see what it says about moles on the hand; I have one on my left thumb and one on my right palm.

If the back of one or both of the hands is marked by a mole, great natural ability can be inferred. The subject will attain success in life as the fruit of his own talents.

Woohoo! I like that one. So when will I really start selling my artwork then, eh? What the hey kind of fortune is this, anyway? Okay, okay. What about my lip? I have a barely noticeable mole on the right side of my upper lip. What does the book say about that?

A mole on either of the lips gives a happy, sunny nature, combined with a certain amount of sensuality and indolence. Those who have a mole so placed are fond of the good things of life, and often turn a deaf ear to duty if it conflicts with the pursuit of pleasure. They are inveterate and ardent lovers, and yet their constancy is not above reproach. If the mole is large and on the lower lip this omen has a more sensual significance; the women who bear this mark are often heartless flirts, the men libertines.

If the mole is on the upper lip, greater delicacy is shown; although the nature of the subject is sensual, it is modified and controlled by refinement and good taste.

Hmm… I think I like that one, too. I like it so much that I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead, before I get any bad ones. I don’t know how accurate any of these “readings” are, but it’s kind of fun all the same, especially if the fortunes are good.

If anyone out there has a mole in an odd place and wants to know what the book has to say about it, let me know. As for The Mole… well… let’s just say it doesn’t look so good for him.

Share this post: