Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

Bah. What bologne.

For a few weeks now I’ve been expecting snail mail from a couple of my best friends, and like the good little girl that I am I’ve been checking my post office box faithfully, at least once or twice a week. After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m getting everyone else’s mail but my own.

Fact: I’ve had the same mailing address for a handful of years, and I still get mail addressed to the previous owners—not just the last owner, but the owner before that one and the owner before that. Not just junk mail and catalogs, but what looks like important paperwork and bills.

I’ve tried getting a forwarding address from the post office, but they didn’t have one. I’ve tried writing either “Return to Sender” or “Not at this Address” on the envelopes and sending them back out, but I continue to get the previous owners’ mail. I’ve tried asking the clerks to stop delivering to my box any mail addressed to these people, but they’ve told me that they couldn’t do that.

What else is there to do? Considering that the human encyclopedia has been using his post office box for over 25 years and yet still gets mail addressed to Bob’s Big Boy, its previous owner, I’ve long since given up the dream that I will no longer receive mail not addressed to me.

*Sigh* I do, however, expect to get only the mail addressed specifically to my box number.

Lately, I’ve been getting mail intended for the box numbers below and above mine. Luckily for the intended recipients, the mail has been either Bulk Rate or Presorted Standard, meaning it’s either junk mail or meaningless catalogs—in other words, nothing that needs to be read or paid right away.

But what an education I’m getting! I had no idea there were catalogs that sold nothing but Christian-related items—things like teddy bears that recite Bible verses when you press the various patches on their bodies and board games that test your Bible trivia. I also had no idea that there were Victoria’s Secret type catalogs for men.

Knowing this, you can bet on two things:

1. The two catalogs I mentioned were not intended for the same post office box.
2. I’m definitely browsing through and keeping one of them for myself.

Okay, so I forgive the mailman his trespasses. After all, to err is human, to forgive divine.

I still want my male mail though!

Share this post: