I’ve developed a rather nasty habit of cursing after a sneeze. I’m not sure when I started doing it, but when in public I’ve had to make a real effort to keep my mouth shut after violently expelling the air from my sinuses. Otherwise, people hear:

Ah, CHOO-fuck!

I can only guess that it’s because the sneezes take me so by surprise and with such a heaving force that I’m like a pilot in a plane about to crash—usually the last word you hear on the voice recorder recovered from the wreck is a swear word.

At least, I hope that’s what it is … and not some vocal tic.

I wondered once if I had a touch of Tourette Syndrome, the symptoms of which are vocal and/or motor tics. H.E. is always telling me how obsessive-compulsive I can be, and sometimes I just can’t stop moving for a couple of minutes.

One day, years and years ago, while he and I were lazing around and watching TV, I slapped myself out of the blue. It was kind of freaky, and after a moment of shock, H.E. laughed like a loon because apparently, the expression on my face when I did it was priceless. I was stunned, like the slap was completely unexpected, which it was. With no warning, my palm simply whacked me on the side of my face—forehead, eye, and cheek, all in one. And there I was, genuinely surprised, as if it were H.E. who did the slapping.

But that is the only instance I can recall where I’ve had anything like a tic.

So for now, I’ll just consider my swearing sneezes a bad habit and do what I can to curb it.

Just so, you know, I don’t end up saying Fuck in front of the K – I – D – S.

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