Ask him what time it is, and he’ll give you the history of watch-making. Seriously.

If I recognize an actress in a movie but can’t place her, all I ever need to say is: “Where have I seen her before?” I will get an instant filmography, a list of other actors and actresses she’s worked with, and a brief bio. If I hear a name on the news that sounds unfamiliar to me, all I ever need to say is: “Who?” He will tell me whether that person is a republican or a democrat, on the house or in the senate, is an idiot or an all-around good guy, and how long he’s been in office and for what state.

This human encyclopedia can tell you who Walter Lord is and what he wrote. He can tell you every single detail of the history involved in the books that Lord wrote.

Ask him about sports, however, and he draws a blank. To him, basketball is basically a group of guys running around in their underwear, and every night there’s a game, it’s the same group of guys in different underwear. He asked me once who “that black guy” was on a television commercial, and I had to stare at him slack-jawed. I’m not into sports either, but even I know who Michael Jordan is; the whole world — even little kids in China — knows who Michael Jordan is.

Looks like someone stole the S volume out of my human encyclopedia.

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