So the Oscar nominations are out, and they’re just as I expected. I watched a lot of grown up movies this year, and by “grown up” I mean well written, well directed, and, well, totally devoid of any Happily Ever After.

Mystic River had me crying a river. Monster completely ripped me to shreds. I lost myself in Lost in Translation. And Cold Mountain, good God. Cold Mountain embodied the futility of a salmon swimming upstream to mate just once and then frickin’ die. What the hell kind of a love story is that?!

H.E. calls it a woman’s ideal romance (even though men wrote this story)—the touchy-feely Hallmark kind that, while very high on the feely part, isn’t really much on the touchy part. Lots of deep and passionate emotion; yet, not a whole lot of conversation or compromise between the toilet seat being up or down.

It’s the ideal lover idealized ten times over in fantasy and then promptly done away with, so that the fantasy is never ruined. Ah, perfect love. No doubt Ada would consider Inman the great love of her life, and she will let her daughter know exactly just how perfect Inman was, thereby assuring that the daughter will never be happy with whatever man she marries because he simply isn’t as perfect as her father obviously was.

But of course Inman was perfect. Ada never bickered with him, never had to tell him to take out the trash, never had to ask him for emotional support. He never criticized her cooking or the way she raises their daughter, never even asked her for a beer while he lazily watched the football game.

They never had problems in bed because they had sex only one night. They never disagreed about politics and religion because they never really got around to having an actual conversation.

Is this what people think makes a great love story?

If you ask me, Ruby got the better end of the deal. Her man Georgia managed to stay alive and be there for her, even though his gestures weren’t as grand or as dramatic. For me, the more numerous smaller gestures are what makes a great romance—like what Smith does for Samantha.

It’s always the small things that make a great love story.

Of course… it helps, if some things are big.

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