The Guy Knows Too Much

The Guy Knows Too Much

Oh, hell. That’s nothing.

I’ve had several male gynos in the course of my life, and while my first choice—when I’m presented with one—is always a female doctor, I’ve found that on the whole (on the hole?!), male gynos really aren’t any better or any worse. They do, however, tend to have a more gentle touch; I once had a female doctor totally dig in without mercy while doing the finger prod, after which I immediately changed doctors to avoid ever having her do the hokey-pokey inside of me again.

Still, it is a little bit unsettling and embarrassing—the idea of a man looking at a woman’s private parts in a clinical environment. How can any woman know for certain that he is in no way looking at her sexually?

My first male gynecologist, for instance… well, he was a piece of work, that one. He was Asian, and he seemed nice enough during the initial interview when I described my medical history, but then during the exam, something really strange happened.

He developed a tic.

The exam went normally enough. A female nurse was there to assist and chaperone, and there was no digging for gold in my womb. But sometime after he looked between my legs, one side of the gyno’s face began to twitch, and it twitched quite regularly, the lid of one eye closing and one end of his mouth lifting in a smile.

It took me a while to realize that he was winking at me–again… and again!–the smile gradually turning into a grin.

I was dumbfounded with shock, but I had the presence of mind to pretend not to notice. Yet, even after I had dressed and sat in his office as he asked, it continued. He prolonged the after-exam chat in that shrinking room, carefully keeping the conversation on the pap smear and the next appointment, or on my prescription and my monthly menstrual cramps, and all the while he continued to wink at me between 30-second intervals, as though he and I shared some kind of naughty secret between us.

It was the most disturbing gynecological appointment I had ever experienced before then and have ever experienced since. To this day, I suspect that he expected me to return the winks, or at the very least acknowledge them, perhaps say something like, “Excuse me, but do you have something in your eye?” What, and open a can of worms? Not on your life.

Needless to say, I switched doctors after that.

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9 thoughts on “The Guy Knows Too Much”

  3. For some reason this brings to mind a movie or t.v. show were the male gyno. collected old gyno. equipment for his house. If this is the case, then you are in trouble.

  5. O.K. the eww factor just set in…So, would that change the Christmas jingle, of a "partridge in a pear tree" to a "speculum in a pear tree"?

  6. Perhaps he was looking to add to his growing kitchen collection of speculums which I’ve always likened to a handy dandy salad server. You know, one of those spoon-fork combinations?

    This brings back memories of when I was pregnant and had to go to a routine pelvic exam. Unfortunately, the clinic I was going to burned down in a riot (I believe it was after the Rodney King verdict) and I had to go to a makeshift office they opened up in a Dollar Store parking lot.

    The examination room was CRAMPED! It never really crossed my mind that they could’ve positioned the stirrup bed in a DIFFERENT manner. Oh, nooooo. It didn’t occur to me until well later.

    So there I was, feet up, butt scoooooted all the way to the edge, salad-server tongs firmly implanted, when the OB says to the nurse, "Oh, you know what? I forgot the…(insert something here, anything, it doesn’t really matter). Could you get it for me?" The nurse, being at the head-end of the torture platform attempted a sorry-ass shuffle and pretty much shrugged her shoulders which meant, "gee doc, I can’t. This room is cramped and I can’t get out."

    So what does doc do? Releases his hand from the salad tongs, gets up, opens the door, leaves it open with me exposed like some kind of super wazoo salad bar, and comes back with the "whatever." Mind you, this was "back in the day" when salad servers were metal and weighed oh, about 5-8 lbs, easy.

    Guess I didn’t know my own strength!

  7. Oh, and six of the worst words you could ever hear?

    "You’re going to feel some pressure."

  8. There’s a obgyn in Providence, RI named "Dr. Love."

    No joke.

    Okay, it is a joke, but it’s true.

    Unless he’s finally realized that he’s never going to get clients unless he changes his name.

    Just thought you might like to know.

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