Last week on my way to work I had a pretty good run with the lights—all green and easy driving, the path all clear in front of me. I had a strong feeling that it would have continued all the way to my destination, if it hadn’t been for some Sunday driver at the wheel of a pickup truck. The guy cut cleanly but slowly in front of me from some side street while I was driving straight ahead at the speed limit, and I had to slow down considerably as he picked up his speed only marginally. From that point on, I caught all the red lights, missing all the green and yellow lights by mere seconds and half-minutes.

The drive began to depress me.

All I kept thinking was that if it hadn’t been for that guy, I’d be where I was supposed to be at that moment; I’d be further along than I was. I wouldn’t have had to stop there. Or there. Or there. Or there. Every single drawback and delay I blamed on him, and I found myself muttering, “If you hadn’t cut in front of me, I’d have caught that light!”

I was suddenly reminded of people I’ve met, known and talked with, people who have said the same sort of things. “If I hadn’t married that guy, I’d have finished college.” “If I didn’t have to babysit my brother, I’d have gone to that party and met him before she did.” “If my co-worker and project partner didn’t screw that account up, I’d be vice president of the company by now.” “If I wasn’t already dating him, I’d be going out with him and living differently.”

It dawned on me then. We’re so busy thinking about what could have been and about all the opportunities we missed out on, or might have missed out on, due to some circumstance or event we wish we had the power to change, that we fail to realize how negatively we view our life compared to that alternate life we imagine for ourselves.

How do I know for sure that the lights would have been green for me throughout the entire drive? How do I know that some other driver would not have cut in front of me, five or six intersections later? How do I even know the drive would have been better for me in general if the driver hadn’t cut in front of me? How indeed?

I didn’t.

And as soon as I accepted that fact, in the last third of my commute, the lights were all green for me, and again my drive became easy and clear. I somehow ended up thinking, “If it hadn’t been for that driver, I’d have caught all the red lights during the final leg of my drive!” Suddenly, the driver’s cutting in front of me was a good thing.

Strange, isn’t it? I guess it’s just in the way we look at things.

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