Human Encyclopedia swears that there’s some kind of weird relationship between me and the physicality of the world. Out of Pure Luck, I seem to unerringly find every door jamb and street pole in existence, even with my eyes closed. Every time I bump into things, H.E. compares me to a pinball in a pinball machine. “You know, I just moved those door jambs, just so you’d bump into them.” Ha ha. Very funny.

Well… tonight, H.E. and I were walking down the street to his truck, and sometime during the walk, H.E. thought to himself, “She’s going to hit that road sign over there. It’s the only obstruction on the sidewalk in this entire trip, but she’ll hit it. I just know it.”

And wouldn’t you know it? Half a block later, right before we got to the guilty pole, I could have sworn we were being followed, and I turned and looked over my shoulder to see who was behind us, when wham! I hit the street pole.

H.E. laughed. “Now how did I know that was going to happen?” he asked, and I scowled.

H.E.’s right, though. I seem to have a strong attraction to things that trip me up or bang my shoulders.

The amazing thing is that I hardly ever fall or get hurt. I walk like a drunk, but I never seem to fall. I am as steady as a sturdy ship at sea, bobbing and weaving but never sinking. Speaking of which, H.E. once told me that a person could get seasick watching me stand or keep “still” with all my bobbing and weaving. H.E. suspects that if I were ever to set foot on a ship, I would actually be able to walk in a straight line for once.

Yeah. Well.

It’s a theory I have yet to test, but in the meantime,… please stop moving all the door jambs!

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