My cousin Zee, the movie star, can beat up your cousin Zee, the nobody. Last year my good friend Janine sent me one of those chain letter e-mail forward things that either promise undying puppy love or eternal blue-ball celibacy, one that listed a lot of personal questions and her own answers to each of them. I was supposed to replace her answers with mine and send it back to her, as well as to a whole new list of…
Over 10 years ago, I subscribed to Writer’s Digest, and I would sometimes enter their monthly contest. The assignment for March in 1992 was to write a short piece in which the first sentence dictates how the next sentences begin. For instance, the second sentence starts with the second word in the first sentence; the third sentence starts with the third word in the first sentence; the fourth sentence starts with the fourth word in the first sentence, etc. The…
I began composing a poem for Father’s Day and midstream decided against it. For some reason, I simply got bored and decided to work on a commission instead. If you’d like to finish the poem for me, you can: Our father, who farts in our den, Hallowed be thy game. By halftime come, Thy will be done. The score is zip to seven. Give us this day our daily beer And give us backstage passes… Oh, and many apologies for…
Friday the 13th reminds me of Bill. When the school year ended for a lot of students this past month, and when I spied a group of kids on their way to their senior proms, I was reminded of Bill. Just the other day, when I posted comment number 91 on Dooce’s announcement and comment number 13 on Jimbo’s poem, I was yet again reminded of Bill. Seems like this is the perfect time to write about him. Bill was…
If you could type anything you wanted in the Google search form, what would you type? I typed “if you could” “what would you” and came up with some interesting questions: What would you plant if you could only plant 7 flowers? If you could relive your life over again, what would you change? If you could have an author (or two) over for dinner, what would you serve for dinner? If you could be a bird, what would you…