My goal for twenty-oh-three was: “Procrastinate no more.” But I think I’ll put that off until twenty-oh-four. – – – – – In other news: If you chant the secret message three times and click your heels, à la Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, you’ll be taken where you want to go, I’m sure. Be sure to peek at the man behind the curtain and wrest the magic word from him. And later, you can sweet talk me into…
I used to be a master of my dreams. I could make people do or say what I wanted them to, I had Fate’s ear and confidence, and I was a magical flying superhero that saved the world time and time again. My dreams were a hotbed of my delusions of grandeur, can you tell? Lately, though, my dreams have slipped out of my control, and now I’m just like everyone else, dreaming dreams that sort of just happen with…
While driving in a parking lot, about to go past an SUV backing heedlessly out of its spot… April: [gasps] Don’t pull out! We’re coming! HE: [chuckles] April: What? What’d I miss? HE: [shakes his head] April: Did I say something fu— [suddenly closes eyes, drops jaw, shakes head ruefully] Oh, I see. Don’t pull out. We’re coming. Very funny, ha, ha. While reading an event announcement underneath the SeaPort sign… April: [squinting as she reads] PUSSY EAT LOUNGE… DIRTY…
My sister is five years younger than me. Had she been born a boy, her name would have been Chad Michael Martinez. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to have a younger brother. It’s always been my sister and me, two girls with girlish dreams and tomboyish ways. Not too long ago, my mother remarried. Her husband has a son from a previous marriage, and I often forget that this means I now have a stepbrother….
No doubt about it. The last fruitcake was made in 1911. In fact, there may possibly be only four or five left, and they’re just being passed around like hot potatoes every holiday season. I remember that my mother received a fruitcake from a co-worker years ago, and she rewrapped it and gave it to a neighbor the next day. I think I’ve even seen the very same one get circulated among my friends’ families. The recipient would ooh and…